Zombie Plan #1- RUN AWAAAAAAY!!!

So you've woken up to a zombie apocalypse...

THE PLAN:
 Shock, horror, life as you know it is over. This is the hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down, when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. In short, every man for himself!!!

First thing's first, grab your baseball bat, every easily portable and edible foodstuff out of the kitchen, every antibiotic and meds and bandage in your bathroom, and toilet paper because that'll be friggin' GOLD during the apocalypse, grab the laptop bag and phone charger just in case there's electicity and a network to connect to. Strap it all on, then bolt for the car! The house isn't safe, there's too many windows to make it defensible, and not enough wood to barricade the place nor enough of a stockpile to outlast the undead siege. Nobody's coming to the rescue, everyone you know is either already en route to their safe haven, too far away, or among the undead horde. Forget saving the pets, and don't bother with the family. You. Are. Alone. (no change there, mate)

So you've got a couple bags, a bat, and keys. Zombies staggering around outside, but not in the backyard because it's fenced in completely, and maybe they haven't noticed the free meal inside frantically throwing everything together. So the plan is to sneak out the back door, leave it open so the pets will have a chance, sneak around to the backyard gate and then clobber every friggin' zed head the twenty feet between the gate to the car. Run, get in (thank you keyless entry) and hightail it as far as the car will take you, north away from everything that could kill and eat you! Great plan!

WHY THIS WILL FAIL BADLY:
Ok, you're fleeing away from the city? That means hitting the freeway, and unfortunately everyone else and their mom had the same idea. Traffic congestion, breakdowns, honking and short tempers, and then there's all the zombies, all up on the freeway waiting for you! And that's only if  you make it to the freeway, the city streets are going to be a lovely little stretch of hellscape of wrecks, cop cars, roving bandits, and even more zombies! You'll be lucky to get halfway to the interchange before enough obstacles halt your progress or send you careening into a really bad time.

ESTIMATED LIFESPAN: One hour at best.

I am so fucked.